This may be a challenging read emotionally. Just a heads up.

I stopped on my way home and got Sierra some sunflowers. I hadn’t gotten her flowers in a long while and knew she loved them. Something told me to stop and get them. Once I got home, I was making dinner and Sierra got home and said she hadn’t felt the baby kick in a while. I thought maybe we’d have some food and check afterwards. Still no kicks. I thought we should go to the ER and just make sure everything was ok…

Today is a really challenging day. 6 months without our son. 6 months since he went to heaven. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, other days it feels like a lifetime ago. Today, I’m going to share James’ story in his mom’s belly from my perspective – as much as I can remember. Kind of like a letter to him.  This is going to be a long post. Feel free to skip to the next blog post if you would like to read where I share about the end of James’ story here on earth and our time at the…

Today, February 12th, is the 4 year anniversary of my grandfather, John James Pollock (Poppop as he was known to me), going to heaven. One of the two namesakes of my son James Jerome. He was extremely impactful in my life and I have so many great memories with him. I’m going to share a few of them below as I continue to navigate my own personal grief journey, maybe some of it will provide helpful to one of you reading.

He’d always watch me in the summer time when I was little and would take me along to go pick my grandma up from work. We’d stop at Hub Hobby Shop and I’d look at all the cool trains, maybe I’d get a piece of track or a freight car for my own collection…

Today is the 25th Heavenly birthday of my cousins Mason Tate and Colten James. They both were born very premature, one being stillborn and the other living in the NICU for a short while before going to Heaven. I never got to know them, other than a few small memories that my aunt would share every once and a while and the urns on their mantle in their living room - and of course the middle names of my living twin cousins…

Thanksgiving and Christmas…my favorite time of year. But this year, a very bittersweet one. Celebrating our savior’s birth, long ago in a manger far away. While we are here with an empty crib. It’s been hard to have a happy and joyous attitude when I feel so surrounded by dark clouds of grief. We put up the Christmas tree, with lots of new ornaments of pictures of James. It should have been his first Christmas, but instead is our first Christmas without him. So many things are different. A small “J” stocking on our mantle with mine and Sierra’s. A great memory, but also a reminder of who isn’t with us.

My favorite Christmas movies don’t feel the same. Every one…

I’m not sure what the goal of this blog post is other than writing down what has been on my heart lately. I’ve been continually having a harder time as days have gone on. It hasn’t even been 3 months without James, but I feel like it was just yesterday we were driving to the hopsital to figure out why we had not felt any kicks for a few hours.

Some days are a lot harder than others. As we are approaching…