Today, February 12th, is the 4 year anniversary of my grandfather, John James Pollock (Poppop as he was known to me), going to heaven. One of the two namesakes of my son James Jerome. He was extremely impactful in my life and I have so many great memories with him. I’m going to share a few of them below as I continue to navigate my own personal grief journey, maybe some of it will provide helpful to one of you reading.
He’d always watch me in the summer time when I was little and would take me along to go pick my grandma up from work. We’d stop at Hub Hobby Shop and I’d look at all the cool trains, maybe I’d get a piece of track or a freight car for my own collection at home. We put together an old train set on a piece of plywood in his basement when i was maybe 7 or 8. It stayed up for years. I would always power it up and run those old 1960’s O-Scale trains around the loop for a little while. After a few years, I built my own model railroad at my dad’s house. It went all around the furnace, through holes in the wall that I turned into little mountains. Eventually it morphed into taking up the furnace room, the office and the storage room. Complete with a 10 foot long model of an ore dock from Duluth.
Pops and my grandma would always come to nearly every hockey, baseball or other sporting event or extracurricular event I or my sister had going on. They were always so supportive of us in whatever activities we would be doing. He’d bring this little book to our hockey games and have our whole team lineup and track shots, goals and all of the statistics of the game. He was so passionate and so interested in what we were doing. Whenever we’d be at their house and I’d hear the train horn coming, I’d yell TRAIIIINNNNNNN!!!!! and we’d have to run to the end of the cul-de-sac just to get a glimpse of it driving away.
My grandpa was a very quiet guy, he’d never share his opinion unless you asked for it. But I knew he loved and cared for me and our family deeply. He showed his love in actions, the things he did for us and we’d never be able to leave their house without a hug - and a wave out the window as we pulled out of the driveway.
When I was in high school, he had an old 1979 Camaro that was in storage that the storage guy said needed to get out. I always saw it under the cover out there when we’d pick up the camper, but never imagined seeing it running. I guess my parents drove it back when they first got married. I asked him if we could maybe try to get it running before he donated it. Little did I know the undertaking that would be, and the great tricks he would teach me and all the great memories we would make. I could write multiple chapters of a book about that time in my life. There was a lot of tumultuous things going on with different relationships and school and sports drama, but the best memories I have are from working on the Camaro with him that summer. Oiling the cylinders for days before we even tried to crank it over with a long breaker bar. Getting it running and smoking out the garage only to have my grandma come out of the house yelling about how she was going to take the car away if we didn’t get out of the smoky garage this instant. Him teaching me about using a piece of paper or a thin rage on a socket to get it to tighten up so you didn’t drop the nut out when you turned it upside down. So many little tricks he learned throughout his experiences at all his great jobs. I know he worked at a lot of really cool places all around the world- The Air Force, AC Spark Plugs, General Electric, Honeywell, NASA, Control Data, Seagate and running his own quality management business towards retirement. The list of all the incredible things he taught me could go on for a very long time. Not only about fixing things, but about life - life lessons, how to handle frustration, disappointment and everything that life throws at you. It was so much more than fixing an old car with my grandpa. It was the greatest time I ever had with him, and we had so many great conversations during that time about life, mine and his, at least as much as he would share.
Grief is such a challenging thing, and something you take with you for your whole life. Something you continue to battle and fight every day. It can be really hard to face, and easier to just push it off. But that isn’t the answer. We need to wrestle with it, we need to bring it to God. Ask Him the tough questions. I know now that my grandpas life was touched with extreme grief as a child, but that was not something he shared, talked about or something that I am going to share. But I know it was part of his story, and shaped him to be who he was as a Son, Brother, Husband, Dad and Grandpa (Great grandpa now to 3 on earth and one in heaven). I wish I could ask him what he did to work through that grief, and ultimately the loss of his parents - but I guess that’s just another one of the conversations I’ll have to save for when we meet again in Heaven.
Those times working on the car with him and my Dad in those warm summer nights with the old radio on to KOOL 108 and the air compressor running are some of the most fond memories I have as a teenager. And ones that have helped shape who I am and what I do in my life. He lived a very selfless life, and he led by example. Always helping and supporting family, friends, neighbors and his church - never asking for anything in return. I hope that we can do the same through James’ Triumph. I hope we can make an impact in people’s lives - not for our own gain, but for God’s Glory and to further His Kingdom.
I’ll never forget the amazing times with him in the 24.5 years of my life I got to spend with him as my Poppop. I hope he knows the incredible impact both he and my grandma made (and she continues to make) on my life. They have always been so caring and so generous. Always willing to help, be present and do whatever they could to help those who they love - and never asking for anything in return.
Grieving the loss of him was the hardest loss I had to go through in my life, until I lost James. Thankfully I still have my other 3 grandparents and get to keep spending time and making new memories with them. There’s still days I miss Pops extra. Especially on days I’m watching the Wild (maybe I should order one of those old timey stats books), or when out in the Camaro, or even when I see a train or hear a train horn. All memories of the things I did with him as a kid and as a young adult. I know he’s up in heaven with Jesus and my son James, probably teaching James how to fix an old small block chevy engine, tune a carburetor or even building a model railroad. I know for sure he’d already have taught him how to do a burnout. Something I’m still working to perfect… but he managed to do a burnout in his ’85 vette out of my college grad party in front of all of my buddies. As a 90 year old! I hope I can have that kind of style in my 90’s, if I make it there.
Love you, Pops. Thank you for everything. Give James a hug for us. Can’t wait to see you again.
