I’m not sure what the goal of this blog post is other than writing down what has been on my heart lately. I’ve been continually having a harder time as days have gone on. It hasn’t even been 3 months without James, but I feel like it was just yesterday we were driving to the hopsital to figure out why we had not felt any kicks for a few hours.
Some days are a lot harder than others. As we are approaching the Holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas it seems everthing is reminding me more of how different things should have been. No christmas onesies. No cute pictures with santa. Just an empy crib and empty nursery.
Everyone seems to have already forgotten or moved on, and I feel like things are just getting harder for me as the days go on.
I tried to go out duck hunting for duck opener back in late September, but had a really hard time. My dad and I have had this tradition of going togwether for opener over my birthday for years, but it just wasn’t the same this year. We didn’t see much of anything, no birds, no sucess. And to top it all off, it should have been 2 days after James’ due date. I keep going back to all these things we have been doing lately that are just “things that I’m not supposed to be doing”. I should be enduring slepless nights, diaper changes, and spending time at home. I wish that I could be doing all those things. Instead here were are, doing it all without him.
This isn’t an easy challenge, but I know that God will bring good out of it, somehow..someway..
Until next time
