A message for those who want to hear

The following is a message Sierra and I wrote to share with our friends and family who celebrated James’ Birthday with us.

Thank you all for being here, not only to support Sierra and I, but to acknowledge and remember James. Today marks one year since James went home to be with Jesus. We miss him every day and that’s okay. I just have a short message I would like to share with you as I have reflected on the journey of the last year. 

All of you here know our story, and you’re here because you all have helped us on our grief journey in the past year in more ways than one. We thank you all for caring, for stepping up and loving us and loving James and investing in the legacy of James. I want to share a quick story of some symbols that remind us of James. First off, sunflowers: I bought Sierra a bouquet of sunflowers on the way home from work the day we lost James, before we even knew anything was wrong. I bought her flowers once and a while, but when I got in the car that day i felt a small voice tell me to stop and get some flowers. Every time we see sunflowers it reminds us of him. Swans: When we left the hospital, we followed the car of the funeral director with James’ body in it to the funeral chapel. On our drive we saw multiple swans in different ponds. Every time we see swans, we know James is thinking of us. We all have handled the loss and the grief of losing James differently, but I want you all to know one thing: James is in heaven with Jesus. 

When we were in the delivery room, Sierra and I both experienced something we never had before. The presence of the Holy Spirit. We weren’t that anxious, we weren’t weeping, we weren't distraught emotionally. Although we did have a lot of those emotions the previous 24 hours after finding out we lost James. I would describe it as feeling like there was a warm, comforting blanket over us in that hospital room. Not only in the delivery room, but also in the recovery room we were in for 2 days after. We felt the grace of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit through the amazing nurses, staff and family that were present physically with us in that room, but also through the incredible amount of prayers we were getting from friends and family. If you don’t think that prayer works, I can tell you first hand it does. We felt it. 

Grief is real and valid. Jesus himself endured grief in his time on earth. He wept for what he knew would happen to him on the Cross. We all work through grief in our own ways, but I want to tell you - it is much easier working through grief with the reassurance of Heaven. Knowing I will see my son again helped immensely in working through my grief. Life on earth isn’t fair. We are burdened with injustice, with sickness, with sin and with death. Sure this isn’t how things are supposed to be. But in all reality, we don’t deserve life on earth or in heaven. We deserve death and separation from God and from those we love. Thanks to Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross, that’s not the end. Grief isn’t something you “get over” I want you all to know that if you didn’t already. I know some of you here have lost grandparents, parents, siblings and children. You don’t have to forget them or move on. You can always treasure and remember the great times you had with them, whether they were brief for those of us who lost babies we never got to know, or long for those of you who got a lifetime with your parent. Life matters and each of us have value. Whether that life was in their momma's belly for just a few short weeks, or for 100 years on earth. It is important to work through the grief death brings. You can’t suppress it. There is no easy fix. No “magic cure”. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Working through grief requires energy, it requires prayer, it requires fellowship with other believers. If you don’t wrestle with grief, it will find you sometime, some day. Maybe years or decades down the line.

We know that James is in heaven thanks to numerous passages in scripture. In 2 Samuel 23, David’s son dies 7 days after he was born. In response, David stops his fasting and worships God. Regardless of good times in our life or bad, we are called to worship God. In the accounts of Jesus’ time on earth, he always emphasized that children belong to the kingdom of heaven. Through the grace of God we know that children who died before they could know or understand faith in Jesus will be in heaven. They are covered by the same blood of Jesus that saves every believer. Christ’s finished work is sufficient even for those too young to believe.

The hope we have today is not just sentimental. It’s real because of Jesus. In 2 Samuel, David said of his little son, ‘I shall go to him.’ That same hope is available to every one of us—but only through Jesus.

The Bible is honest with us: every one of us has sinned and fallen short of God’s perfect standard (Romans 3:23). Left to ourselves, we are separated from God who made us. That separation is what the Bible calls death—not just physical death on earth but eternal separation from God and from everything good, including the possibility of being with those we love who are already with Him.

But God, in His great love, made a way. Jesus lived the perfect life we couldn’t live, died the death we all deserve, and rose again so that anyone who turns from their sin and trusts in Him can be forgiven, made new, and given the free gift of eternal life. 

Here’s the simple but urgent truth: James is already home with Jesus in Heaven. The question for each of us to ask ourselves is—will we be with him one day? Will we see him again? Will we see the other believers in our lives that have passed away? If you can’t answer that with a resounding yes, I encourage you to think more on it. And maybe you know that you will be in heaven when you die, but there’s someone in your life that doesn’t have that reassurance. 

You don’t have to clean yourself up first. You don’t have to understand everything. You don’t have to be perfect. You simply need to come to Jesus—honestly admit that you need Him, turn from sin and from going your own way, and trust that His death and resurrection are enough for you. 

If that is the desire of your heart today, you can talk to Him right where you are. Tell Him you’re ready to follow Him. And if you’d like someone to pray with you or talk more about what that means, please find me or Sierra. 

Don’t leave today with only warm feelings about James. Leave with the living hope that can bring you to the same place he is—in Heaven, forever with Jesus.

For everyone here today - if you’re carrying grief or emptiness - Jesus is close. I know it can be difficult to share, or to ask for help, but please share it with someone. You don’t have to walk through it alone.

James is up in heaven. But those of us here on earth without him can help leave a great legacy for him: helping others who have experienced loss see the hope there is in heaven and the hope that comes with a relationship with Jesus. 

Please join me in closing prayer. “Lord, thank you for the sacrifice you made for all of us on the cross. For dying the death we all deserve to die. Thank you for the Truth of heaven and for the redemptive works you do through us. Thank you for the comfort you give us in working through grief. Thank you for James. Thank you for the blessing of a son that I never got to know, but will get to know one day. I ask that you will work in the hearts of those here today who don’t know you or have strayed away from walking with you. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen”